The Radical Act of Listening

In the middle of an ordinary disagreement, something extraordinary can happen—if we let it. Two people, let’s say a husband and wife, find themselves sitting across the table, wrestling over parenting choices. One feels the other overstepped. The other feels misunderstood. It’s familiar territory for most couples: the space between what was intended and what was received.

But no one crosses that space—no one gets to understanding—without listening.

Not the kind of listening that waits for a pause to speak, or listens with a rebuttal half-formed. Real listening. Active listening. The kind that leans in with curiosity, not contempt. The kind that wants to know: What was it like for you? How did you feel? What were you hoping I’d do?

When listening is paired with genuine curiosity, it becomes empathy in motion. It doesn’t mean agreement. But it does mean a willingness to hold another’s perspective, even if only for a moment. And from that holding—something softens. A breath is exhaled. Defensiveness retreats. Understanding, even when imperfect, begins to take shape.

Back to the couple. One parent speaks of frustration after a disciplinary moment. The other feels blamed. But when one pauses to say, “Tell me what was going through your mind,” they are not yielding the argument—they’re inviting depth. In that space, validation becomes possible: I can see why you felt that way. That wasn’t my intention.

What follows is subtle but powerful. The child, once at the center of conflict, now becomes the shared priority. The marriage, too, gains strength—not by avoiding disagreement, but by navigating it through mutual regard.

Listening, it turns out, might be the most disarming tool in conflict resolution. Because it doesn’t demand that we be right. Only that we be present. And in that presence, change quietly begins.

Thinking about calling in backup for your relationship? 

Sileta Bell is a Texas-based Marriage and Family Therapist and Georgia Marital Mediator who works with couples stuck in the storm of conflict. She’s also a PhD student obsessed with understanding why we fight and how we heal.

Book your free consultation with Sileta today because love deserves a second (or third) chance.